


Choking On Sunflowers

by pandaperson



Category: Edgar Allan Poe's Murder Mystery Dinner Party (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, This wasn't my idea, i hear their hungry screams, maia forced me, the heat rats won't shut up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 09:10:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19128958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandaperson/pseuds/pandaperson
Summary: Mary and Louisa apparently have been friends for months (I wouldn't know I'm only the writer) and on one particular day they take a walk and visit a, you guessed it, sunflower field.Mary is conflicted, Louisa is soft, I'm gay, they're gay, let's go lesbians....nobody will read this and to be honest i don't blame you, go off.





	Choking On Sunflowers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gene and Maroon♡](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Gene+and+Maroon%E2%99%A1).



> thank you maia for forcing me to write this. even though i personally think it sucks, you and gene both appreciate it. even if no one else does ,you are, and that means a lot.
> 
> also, maroon proofread this garbage so if there's any mistakes, go blame her.

It was around 2pm when Louisa arrived at Mary's house. Mary, who was sitting on the porch, focused on writing did not notice her at first, determined to finish this chapter before her friend arrived. But as soon as she noticed Louisa stepping on the old oak wood her head shot up, a slight smile on her face. It was a hot summer afternoon, probably the warmest yet. June was a most delightful month, Louisa always thought to herself. So many different kinds of flowers blooming, spreading their marvelous scent.  
She always found herself obsessing over them and sitting outside for hours, just taking in raw, for the most part untouched nature. 

Mary got up, picking up the papers that were laying all across the table. "Just a second," she said, facing Louisa before disappearing inside, the door creaking like it always had been. Louisa had been over many times before and everytime it went down the same way. Mary would write, not noticing her, so focused on work. But as soon as she stepped onto the porch, her head would cock up and she'd smile warmly, an introverted way of welcoming her. The sheets and Mary herself would disappear inside the brunettes humble abode, the ripple of the lake near the house and the birds chirping were the only sounds to be heard. This time, Louisa had brought a small basket with food to eat, covered by a blanket that was to be laid out wherever they settled down after taking one of their traditional walks. They never did anything out of the ordinary. 

Time passed and Louisa was about to walk in and check on Mary, but at that the door opened and Mary stepped out. She had changed into a light-grey dress and had let her hair down, insecurely smiling at Louisa. The sight of it made her stomach churn, her palms started sweating and for a moment, Louisa was worried the basket she held would slip out of her hands. But she quickly recomposed herself, smiling back at her friend. "So, you're ready?" Mary only nodded, so Louisa didn't expect her to say anything else when she had already turned around to leave.

"Your dress looks lovely, Lou." 

Louisa blushed, and she thought to herself that she sure had been lucky to already have turned around, or else Mary would have seen her intensely red cheeks. Which she wanted to avoid her witnessing. For the time being. The dress she had chosen, the red one with frills as sweet, subtle decorations, was still pompous though and it felt a bit too much for just an afternoon on a sunflower field with a friend, but it had been in her possession for months now and she found it to be a good idea to show off a bit. "Thank you, I'm glad you like it," she therefore said, before starting to walk in the direction they were supposed to be heading. Mary soon caught up with her so they walked beside eachother. "You've been writing again," Louisa blurted out, interested. "Will you ever tell me what your writing is about?" 

One of the things Louisa absolutely could not control was her curiosity. She always had been nosy, and it was not a bad trait per se, but with Mary she knew it was best not to ask curious questions. Which did not make her ask less questions, but she worded them much more carefully, because despite what friends and family thought, they actually got along pretty well and Louisa did not want to sacrifice that. 

"I'd...rather not. It is a novel that I don't want published anyway and it handles some...sensitive topics. Some that I wouldn't want to disclose to a friend whom I care very deeply about...that is you," Mary explained, as if Louisa did not already know, and she could barely hide the slight dissapointment that washed over her when she heard that Mary apparently did not trust her enough. It was her decision and it probably had nothing to do with her but it still hurt, because they had learned to like eachother quite well, and Louisa would always trust Mary with her secrets. Well, except that one secret that nobody was supposed to know. 

Louisa began to understand. This was not about her. Some things were private and she just had to adapt to the idea that not all of her friends would give in to her curious nature so easily. Mary just had been such good company even though they usually did not talk a lot, that it was hard for her to grasp that there were still things unspoken. It did not take them a lot of talking to understand eachothers thoughts and feelings. Mary was rather introverted and cold, while Louisa was quirky but equally shy when it came to maintaining friendships with people. So they agreed to do less talking and more walking. While they walked up the hill with the small street that led to the sunflower field, they did not talk but Louisa jumped when Mary reached out to hold her hand, not looking at her. Louisa felt that certain heat creep up her neck.  
"Sorry," Mary quietly tried to explain herself, "lately I just seem to struggle with...being alone. Being by myself it...-nevermind." Not the biggest talker, especially when it came to emotions, Mary cut herself off. Sharing feelings of lonliness was not something she usually did, because she actually enjoyed being alone. But since Mary and Louisa grew closer, the brunette found it immensely more difficult to let time just pass, until she was able to see Louisa again. She blamed it on the lack of friendships in her past, it couldn't be anything else. It shouldn't be anything else.

"I-it's fine, we can...we can talk," Mary wanted to protest, but Louisa realized and intervened, "I know. We don't usually talk. But you seem to...need the encouraging words of a friend right now." Mary went silent until they reached the top of the hill, now able to look down onto the sunflower field extending for miles and miles on end. "I guess it doesn't really make us friends if we don't talk about the matters important to us. And I really want us...to be close." Mary looked over to lock eyes with Louisa, still holding her hand.  
Louisa began to blush again but this time did not bother to look away or hide it. She just smiled encouragingly, her smile contagious to such an extent that Mary couldn't help but return the friendly smile. 

Flashy, like Louisa had never seen it before. Usually, Mary's smiles had been polite and slight, but right now, it felt like something inside her had changed, for better or worse, Louisa didn't know. Probably better. She just knew that seeing the unfamiliar smile on such a familiar person was more than just satisfying. It made her happy. She just enjoyed seeing her good friend this enlightened to spend time with her. She felt important, all of a sudden. Not to fans of her work, not to family, but to her friend. To Mary. And she figured that was enough. She squeezed Mary's hand slightly before starting to walk again, making her way down the hill, tugging the brunette with her. 

When they arrived at the field after what seemed like forever, Louisa placed the basket in a quiet, calm area, took in a deep, audible breath, taking in the many different scents that this summer afternoon, almost evening, held and glanced at Mary who already began laying out the blanket. "Thank you," Louisa said, smiling at her. A just as vibrant smile was flashed back at her, before Mary leaned down to smooth out the blanket and sit down on it. Louisa did the same, rummaging through the small basket between them, fishing out some berries. "Did you grow these yourself?" Mary asked, before reaching out to take one from Louisa's hands and eat it, humming in satisfaction. "I did! In my own little garden!" Louisa replied proudly. The brunette chuckled quietly, her friend was just being too cute right now. And if it weren't against the law currently, and she could not be sure who was on her side regarding that matter, she would have leaned in and kissed her.  
She was equally proud, because she knew how much work Louisa put into the building and growing of her garden that was currently overflowing with flowers, fresh green grass, bushes, small trees and various kinds of vegetables and fruit. She had put her whole heart into this little garden with the small hut located neatly in the middle of her hideout. This is where she spent her time writing or just sat there when it was raining, watching her creation grow right in front of her. 

She looked over to see Louisa eyeing the fruits proudly. Her hair looked almost golden in the light of the setting summer sun, resting comfortably on top of her slim shoulders. Her hair color made the dress she was wearing stand out. The bordeaux fabric glowing as much as Louisa seemed to be. Mary's palms started sweating and she tried to blame it on the heat currently sweeping the entire neighborhood, possibly country, but she knew that was not it. She just knew, especially because she had been in love with a man once, and it felt the same. Well, not really the same, with Louisa it was different in many ways.  
There was fear, of course, which is why she held back on admitting her affections to her best friend, no only did she not want to risk the beautiful, blossoming friendship but if Louisa had the same mindset as most of the population of their small hometown, she would be exposed really quickly. Mary thought of Louisa not as that kind of person but you could never be sure.  
But also she felt the affection for Louisa to be much more gentle in nature, not raw like with most men, but just softer in general. She could not describe it very well which upset her a lot, because she was Good-with-words Shelley, she had the right and fitting words and speeches for every occasion. Mostly eulogies. Especially eulogies.

Louisa had already started eating, knowing too well that Mary tended to space out a lot. She did not mind it at all, no, quite the opposite actually. Seeing her stare off into the distance thinking, with that calm, soft expression on her face made her love the brunette even more.  
"I'm...sorry," murmured Mary, taking a small bread out of the basket, almost shoving it into her mouth to stop herself from embarrassing herself (further). Louisa chuckled lovingly. "Oh, come on Mary, I've told you so many times, I don't mind. I like my little dreamer." She said, nudging the other woman with her elbow. "I love you just the way you are." Mary hesitated before audibly sallowing the chewed-out bite of bread.  
"Do you mind Oscar at all?" Louisa gave her a confused look, apparently not remembering the writer. "The one we got to know at Edgar's dinner party a few months back where I fel-...where we first got to meet eachother." For a second, Louisa kept looking put off, but then caught on. "Oh, him? No, not at all! He is quite the lovely fellow if I do say so myself and every man could consider himself lucky to end up with him, he is really charming. We talked a lot about nature and love together. My favorite topics, would you believe it?" Mary sighed, looking down onto her grey dress, nervously playing with the fabric. "Louisa, if...if this ruins everything we have been...," the brunette felt like she was choking on the roses from her beloved's garden, every thorn making it more painful to breathe properly, "c-could I read something to you?" Louisa just nodded, the confused expression returning to her face. Mary reached into the convenient pocket of her dress, pulling out a folded piece of paper. While unfolding it, she looked at Louisa, the one she loved so much, the one she had the utmost respect for, and prepared to lose all that when her shaky voice started to quietly read;

I see and love only her  
the way her hair flows, so bright  
the way her eyes look at me always, so curious  
the way I wish her beside me every second she is not  
the way she moves, so swiftly  
her love for me platonic only  
though I'd wish there to be more  
yet a deeper connection to her precious soul  
the one that keeps me up at night

this is wrong, I am aware  
the affection only returned half-assed  
as much as I adore her  
she belongs to God and men only  
I could not compare, though I would want to  
is my heart in the right or wrong place?  
my parents taught me differently  
this is not the way they raised me to behave  
if only they saw what disgrace of a woman  
I have become, involuntarily

Every night, before I go to rest  
(if I even can,)  
I wish for everything to stop  
to return to normal, like it always has been  
to stop me from being less of a woman  
because I am  
the way I feel does not make me proud, no  
rather the opposite

I am not proud, my head held down  
if only I could talk about it  
if only I could say out loud what I am trying  
so hard  
to hide, which I have learned to  
very well, which is a sin in itself,  
that I, a woman with no dignity left--  
if only I could say  
loud and clear  
admit to myself and her  
if only I dared to say out loud  
the unbearable amount of affection I feel  
for Louisa May Alcott .

Louisa did not respond. She just stared. Not angry, sad or dissapointed, but Mary couldn't read what was going through her head. "I-it is the...the last page of the book I am writing. The one you weren't allowed to read before. This- this is the reason. I did not want to keep it from you because I wanted to be mean but because with all that we had in common and the friendship we had formed I did not want anything to come between that and I get that, if you hate me, you will not come visit me anymore, and I would be okay with that, because I-" 

"Mary, stop!" Was how Louisa stopped the brunettes nervous rambling. The sun had already set and Mary's eyes started to glisten. Mary had never cried in front of her and she had always doubted to see it happen, but it was. "No, please, don't cry over this because...crying is for when something sad is occurring. This...this is not sad. I...I just didn't know you...felt the same way." Mary's eyes widened and she, for a second, thought she had become hard of hearing. She wanted to voice her doubts, thinking she was just messing with her, but Louisa moved closer, taking a strand of hair between her fingers, looking up. "There...really is nothing that needs to be said right now."  
And as she leaned in and tugged the loose strand behind Mary's ear, she pressed a quick, soft kiss to the other woman's lips.  
Just how she had imagined it would be, it was. It was everything she had hoped for and possibly more and now, the thought of cuddling in Louisa's cosy hut, in-between her self-grown garden in the rain, came not as absurd anymore.


End file.
